There are some moments that I look at how I am behaving, or how I am feeling and I think to myself- “This isn't normal,” or “I am so messed up that I can never become well again…” These of course are completely irrational thoughts and I am totally aware of the fact. I am even working on a behavioral/cognitive plan to address my depression. This plan seems to be working really well, however these irrational thoughts can still intrude and become stagnant in my mind. Lets just examine the facts…
School is going amazingly for me. I feel as though my hard work is beginning to pay off and that things are actually going to come together. I am telling myself that this is a feeling that I should savor and hang on to for dear life simply because I believe that a more grounding sense of reality will eventually surface. However, I am finding it very useful to look back at where I have come from, what I have been through that the scars that have been made and take some pride in where things are going as of now.
We escaped Colville. That alone was a feat worth the feeling of great accomplishment. I worked very hard in order to move away and continue my higher education.
Thomas. Found love in Colville and maintained this amazing relationship through some extremely difficult times and situations. The community was against us. However we were able to make a few really good friends that were amazingly supportive. Our families also came around as well and have since been an immensely appreciated support system. Our relationship is a continually growing process that is something I could never live without. He is my life and I love him with all my heart.
School. As it is sitting right now; I am getting 4.0s in all three of my classes and my intelligence is being recognized by several of my professors.I am participating in three different research labs and its looking as though my name will appear on two different research projects being presented in Cancun for the Western Psychological Association. I am also strongly considering going to Cancun to help with the presentations. Money is an issue however.
After rampaging through an entire season of “Law & Order SVU,” I seemed to realize that I am actually doing really well. So many of the characters in this show are living under extremely harsh, inner-city conditions as many people in real-life are actually living. So many people in this world deal with drug abuse, alcoholism, sexual assault and domestic violence on a daily basis so who am I to think that I am not a good person or that I am not normal?
I know that it was a very strangle place to gain some perspective, but it seems to be something that happens to me rather often. I am very happy and life is amazing! I feel as though I am a very lucky person and I am extremely grateful for all of my amazing friends.